Me. At least after what I've been through.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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