I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
