i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't turn off my feet"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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