so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
