Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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