i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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