apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
