I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
