the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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