So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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