Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
