I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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