do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
