He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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