she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
