So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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