This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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