kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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