Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's like iHOP with fire
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i think my cat just said my name.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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