How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
