onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize