Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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