You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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