why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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