I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
