You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
