I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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