I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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