I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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