It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
