Only a mothe r could love this liver
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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