I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
