No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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