How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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