If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
