2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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