So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
