and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
