yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
