Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
