I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
