I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
