i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
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WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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