Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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