I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
