matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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