best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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