dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he shaved USA in his pubs
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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