I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize