I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
