a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
