trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
