My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
