btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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