she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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