if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
