Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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