There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
