fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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