new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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