In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
