Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
