Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
