If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
