im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
