you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
operation have a gay friend backfired
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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