so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
