Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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