Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
