Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
